I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
