I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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