I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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