I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
