Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
