How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
