I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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