it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
