I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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