We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
