If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
