We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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