you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
