Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
