The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
