Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
