do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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