dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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