Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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