I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
