I have demons in me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
