Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you would pick up someone in the library
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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