we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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