when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
