Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
