her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
