Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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