the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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