Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
