I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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