My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
