Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
