i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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