She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
