My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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