Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
