side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
