would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
