Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
