Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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