Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
