Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
