oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
