What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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