I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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