you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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