You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
