Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
