I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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