took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
