just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
