Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
