there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
