Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
