saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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