i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
