i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
