i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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