The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
