so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
