More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm passing your future prison.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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