I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
