Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
