I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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