Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
