I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
