why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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