Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want nice things and good sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
