Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
