Banned from zoo.
Again?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
