She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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