Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
