M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
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