When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
