dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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