I cockslap morals
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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