i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
