i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
