just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
