that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
