If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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