If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
