dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
