haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one might say we're banned from that church
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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